


The Naked Truth – And How Best to Deal With It

by Vandrerska



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, GGAD are professors at Hogwarts, Gellert's mouth is fit for a very limited set of purposes, M/M, Poor Albus!, Speaking definitely isn't one of them, This fic promotes Celtic tunics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vandrerska/pseuds/Vandrerska
Summary: When the naked truth becomes too much to bear, you can rely on Gellert Grindelwald to conjure up some appropriate clothing.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	The Naked Truth – And How Best to Deal With It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlbusGellertAlways](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbusGellertAlways/gifts).



> The wonderful AlbusGellertAlways once gave me the following prompt: 'Albus and Gellert get caught and have to explain themselves to Bathilda or Dippet or whoever catches them. Gellert tries to think of a legitimate excuse why they are naked together and fails spectacularly. I think that would be hilarious!'
> 
> My dear AlbusGellertAlways, I hope you do find the result hilarious, or at the very least amusing.
> 
> I read the kudos system on AO3 has been updated. It's a pity they did not include a separate kudos button for the beta of a fic, because my beta certainly deserves all the kudos of the world.  
> IhaveAbadfeelingAboutThis, awfully obliged to you, as always, but this time in particular for saving my readers from a very peculiar mistake. Let's just say that a lot of cloth would otherwise have been lost in translation.

”You… hmm… you did… lock the door, didn’t you?”  
”Hmm.”  
”That’s not… aah… an answer, Gellert. Did you – yes or no?”  
Reluctantly, Gellert removed his mouth from Albus’ cock. He looked up at him from where he was kneeling completely naked on the floor of Albus’ office.  
”Yes. Though you should’ve known my answer without asking. You know I can never say ’no’ to you.” He went down on Albus again.  
”I’m serious… Gellert… hmm!”  
Albus gripped the edge of his desk tighter. His chest was covered in small bitemarks, indicating the trail Gellert’s mouth had made down to his groin.  
”Imagine one of my students suddenly turning up at my door – my unlocked door – and being met with… oh, Merlin, you’re entirely too good at this…”  
Albus’ hands now clawed at the fabric of his trousers. (They hadn’t even bothered to vanish them.) ”Gellert, aah…”

The door swung open.  
”Albus! The proof copies of the new Defence handbook have finally arrived. I thought you might…”  
Armando Dippet looked up and froze. Instinctively, Albus placed his right hand on Gellert’s head in a protective gesture. Unfortunately, that also meant he was pushing down Gellert’s head even further when there clearly wasn’t much room left for ’further’. He heard an alarming gagging noise. Albus’ blood turned to ice. A purple curtain ripped itself free from its rail and draped itself hastily over Gellert’s naked form.  
Dippet was still staring at the scene in front of him.  
”My office. Five minutes. And put some clothes on,” he said brusquely. He turned around and closed the door behind him.  
  
-

Albus’ hands fell to his sides, as Gellert appeared from under his purple cover and stood up.  
”You said the door was locked,” Albus hissed. He stabbed Gellert in the chest with a vicious index finger.  
”I asked you if the door was locked and you said yes.” His voice steadily rose in volume. ”Gellert Grindelwald, please explain to me your definition of the word ’locked’.”  
”Well, the door surely wasn’t open, was it? Its degree of unopenness was simply a bit lower than I thought it was. I have to admit that, when you asked me that question, I was too preoccupied with other things to ponder the semantics of ’locked’ for very long.”

Albus was livid.

”I hope you deign to consider _this_ situation worthy enough of your attention to give some thought to how we’re going to explain this to Dippet, given that he probably didn’t even know we were in a relationship until two minutes ago. And before you open that bloody treacherous mouth of yours, I know that Dippet is supportive of same-sex relationships and that he’d never fire a member of staff because they happen to be homosexual, but there’s a difference between supportive and allowing his teachers to have a shag where anyone could walk in on them, because some people don’t understand what it means for a door to be locked! And stop fumbling with that curtain!”

”I’m not fumbling,” Gellert protested, ”I’m transfiguring this curtain into something wearable. After all, Dippet did ask that we put on some clothes and I can’t remember where I’ve vanished mine to exactly. You’d better…” Gellert gestured vaguely towards Albus’ now flaccid cock, ”make some vestimentary adjustments yourself. And don’t worry. I’ll sort this out.”

-

Three and a half minutes later, Albus and Gellert were sitting opposite Dippet at his desk. Dippet’s gaze drifted briefly over the bright purple Celtic tunic Gellert was wearing, before he fixed his eyes on Albus.  
”Albus, could you please explain…”

Before Dippet could finish his sentence, Gellert cut in: ”Professor Dumbledore was working on a research project, Headmaster.”  
Dippet’s eyebrows shot up, and Albus groaned inwardly.

”More specifically, a research project on vampires,” Gellert rambled on. ”You see, there was this really nasty case in Eastern Bavaria, back in 1908, where a witch was found dead after having been bitten by a vampire. You probably haven’t heard of it. It turned out that the witch had been seduced by the vampire, not knowing she was dealing with a vampire of course, and she’d taken him to her house, where they had ended up engaging in rather intimate activities, during which she apparently had been bitten in… I’m sure you get the picture” – he quickly continued – ”Professor Dumbledore, being the excellent and ever concerned Defence teacher he’s incessantly proven himself to be, has set up a research project in order to prevent such woeful events from happening again, by investigating methods and strategies to resist the beguiling call of a strikingly handsome vampire.  
As we all know however, such strategies cannot be deemed effective until their merit has been proven ’in the field’. So, as his colleague, his Transfiguration colleague to boot, I suggested to Professor Dumbledore that I’d give myself some vampirely attributes and then play the role of the attractive vampire so that he could attempt to resist my… allure. I would of course never go so far as to actively harm him, the way a true vampire would” – Dippet gave him a sceptical look and Albus recalled in horror all the bitemarks that Gellert had left on his chest – ”not really harm him, in any case. But my allure did turn out to be rather… alluring.”

Albus was sitting mortified in his chair. By now, he couldn’t tell for the life of him if he hadn’t truly been turned into a vampire. Firstly, his face must be as white as a sheet. Secondly, he was sure he’d never be able to look himself in the eye in the mirror again. Thirdly, he was equally sure that he wouldn’t be able to tolerate even the flimsiest amount of daylight, not when daylight implied that he could clearly see the expressions on other people’s faces. Such as Dippet’s face, right now.

Dippet remained silent for a few moments. Then he said: ”Gellert, I was going to ask ’Professor Dumbledore’, as you insist on calling him, why on earth he hasn’t asked me for other accommodations while it has been clear to anyone that the pair of you have been in an amorous relationship for a couple of months now.”

Albus was glaring pointedly at Gellert, and a tiny smile formed on Dippet’s lips.

”Before you start chiding Gellert, Albus, I should tell you that for once, _you_ have been the more demonstrative of the two of you. But though I’m supportive of your relationship, I will not have you ’conducting vampire research’ in a room where any student might walk in at random. I was going to suggest you take the spacious room with the nice view over the lake close to the Ravenclaw common room, but as you’re both so preoccupied with vampire research, I think a room in the dungeons might be more suitable. I’ll show you tomorrow. I assume you’re both capable of putting your research activities on hold until then?”

\---

There’s a room, five corridors away from the Slytherin Common Room, that every Hogwarts student knows about, even if no one has ever seen it from the inside. Rumour has it that there’s a vampire dwelling there, and while no one really knows for sure, everyone agrees that it’s Professor Binns, who is said to have made a pact with the Devil and to have sold his soul in exchange for eternal life. Why the Devil would be interested in the most boring mortal ever to have wandered this earth was a mystery, though many assume the Devil had taken the fun part of Binn's soul with him, leaving only the dreadfully tedious bit to torture Hogwarts students for all eternity.

Tempestus Nott once claimed that he’d found the door standing open and had taken a glance inside and seen that yes, there were no windows and no mirror, only a bed with crimson sheets. It is generally agreed upon however that Nott made all of this up. Professor Binns isn’t one for crimson sheets, and besides, over the course of the years, many students have tried to open the door and never succeeded. The door has always been securely locked.


End file.
